My Grandpa's Magical Request

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    Every night, i pray together with my family. My dad, my uncle, my grandpa, my grandma, and my two little sisters. We always do this at 7 or 8 PM. The purpose is between getting closer to god or family time. Or both. My dad is the one who gave this idea, he is such a family man, he never really like hanging out with his friends for too long. He preferred to spent more time with his family, although sometimes me and my first sister often go out and play with our own friends. 

     I always seek this moment -pray with my family- because i could tell about my achievements at school to my grandparents. Especially my Grandma, she always gets so excited when i was 'bragging' about it. She looks like a confetti personification with loud trumpets. It makes me very appreciated when she's so happy about my achievements whether its a great one or just the smaller competitions, and she will ALWAYS supports me.  I remember when i was joining a magazine model competition, i got so excited to tell this to my Grandma. After i told that, i remembered completely, i saw her eyes began to tears, her eyes looked like drops of rain while she tells me that my aunt also used to be a magazine model, Im guessing that she reminds me as my aunt so much. Although i didn't win the competition though...  And, i hate to say this, but i preferred my Grandma's reactions rather than my parents. Telling this to you feels like an atonement.

     Telling this and that about myself, also makes my Grandpa believes the potential in me. I really like to paint historical figures but without the face, just the head. My Grandpa saw my paintings and i was hoping for compliments, instead i got a criticized because my paintings has no face. He told me to start painting faces on my historical figures, but i was disappointed by his reaction. I look like a politician or a government every time i didn't listen to people who criticize me. The difference is just i didn't have that much money. Because i hate to feel like a trash government, i start to grab my watercolor palette and my canvas. I drew a sketch of the head, the hair, the body, etc. When the time comes to draw the face, i was struggling to make it exactly just like the person that i was sketching. After erase this and that, finally my sketch was finished. It doesn't looked good, but it was my first time so... it turns out amazing than my previous paintings who has no feelings. So i began to draw faces, i practice a lot that it becoming better. And i forever thanked my Grandpa for it. Because now i feel like my paintings deserves a museum on its own.

       After we pray, we shake our hands to one another. When i shake my hand with my Grandpa, he told me to make a blog. He wants to write it with english in hoping that maybe someone noticed me from around the world. As a pessimist person, of course i don't really put his words to my brain. My brain was full with sleep and other philosophical stuff, or a live debate between my brain and my sanity. My Grandpa kept telling me to make a blog, and i kept telling him "Yes. But whose going to read it?" with a smile that i pulled with my cheeks. Until one time i finally got myself together and open a discussion with all of my body organs. "What if i do it not for someone to read it, but i do it for myself?" my heart said that to my brain. Remembering the fact that i always have this internal monologue every day about my daily life, maybe i could put it here. So that my brain doesn’t have to carry all of these thoughts as a burden. 

       People that i saw every day pisses me off. They act like they don't have any parents so they have to be raised by something worse than a monkey. If it wasn't for heaven that god promises me, i will cut their mouth from right cheek to the left. So sad that i still have the power to just sit and close my ears, when my kitchen knife is very sharp. 

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