Dy'sglasses

       Movies do change lives. I can put my self first as an example. At 13 years old i watch the storyline of Black Swan 2010, that was played by Natalie Portman as Nina. It's about a girl who’s obsessed with perfection, who idolized perfection, who killed for perfection. Since then, Natalie Portman's character, Nina, stuck in my head. It became one with my brain. Black Swan delivered the obsession for perfection was really good that i want to have a plot like that for my life. That’s where my lore started.         13 Years old was not my best year, dare i say the worst. So far. Everything went downhill ever since. I would like to blame it on my desire to be perfect, just like Nina. 6 Months before i knew Black Swan, i got accepted to a junior high school that i never wanted. I didn't even know that the school ever existed before. Just like any normal person would do, i cried. I wish i was smarter, maybe the school that i wanted would exce...

        Indonesia got more worse than yesterday and the day before yesterday. I can see my future will absolutely be involved with this mess. Either i'll cant get out of my house or i'll got home with just my name.         Today (21/03/2025), i woke up very, very, very late. I felt so embarrassed and disgusted with my self. Because other than that, i had an appointment with my dearest friends today at 4PM. Meanwhile i woke up at 4.35. I never felt like a traitor so much. As if i was a celebrity who forgot about their old friends. I blame my late of waking up to my school, they did an event that took 12 hours without eating nor drinking (well, of course. We were fasting). I also blame it on my alarm, because how could they didn't go very loud. I actually remembered that i woke up because my alarm ranged, but it felt like i was still in my world of dreams. My soul hasn’t attached to my body yet. It was like a muscle memory. I turned it off and ...

      Last week i had an exam. I was so excited for exam because i had the motivation to study hard. I was willingly to sleep only 1-2 hours. I probably looked like a walking corpse with an eyes that could shut down any seconds. I was quite productive that week. I studied in a part of my house that didn't have any AC and only a small fan that can not conquer the heat that this country gave me. If its a movie, i think it would be near the same as 12 Angry Men, except its only one of me and im dealing with 12 subjects. Everyday we will do 3 subjects per day. Can you imagine? how can i learn all of that?. The effective time to study one subject is 1-2 hours. So what i do is that i had to 'sacrifice' one subject, hoping that the other two will work.         It doesn’t work. For 5 days i learn constantly, very different from what i used to do. I used to didn't study at all and rely it completely on Google, and the results were quite disappointing. That...